HAPPY BIRTHDAY LALA!

This is a special edition to celebrate my Sister who would have been 42 today. I’ve wanted to write this for a long time and there will be many tears shed as I do but they are not sad tears, they are grateful ones, happy ones, that I can remember, reflect and share all that she meant to me and so many others out there. So, thank you for reading. 

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I was pissed when I got home from school and my Mom told me I was going to be a big brother. I had a 5 year run where it was me and only me and I wasn’t real thrilled about having to share….anything. Little did I know that dark haired, brown eyed little kid was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me. 

Shockingly, I wasn’t the best big brother growing up. She was the annoying little sister who was always in the way, always coming around at the wrong time. Call me selfish but ask any older sibling who was old enough to remember and (if they’re honest) they probably felt the same way. For as mean as I was to her she still looked up to me. I could feel it. No matter what I did she always forgave me and still wanted to be around. She would laugh at all the things I did, she would check on me when I got grounded to my room, she would lay by me on the floor when I watched TV. She was determined that we were going to be close. It didn’t take long for that protective big brother gene to fully kick in. 

I’ll never forget when our grandparents bought a motorhome, to be clear it was a Winnebago. For a week or two every summer we’d ride out I-40 to Fin & Feather, begging Papa J to honk at the truckers and couldn’t wait to pull into what felt like our summer camp. We’d fish, swim, play bingo, video games, frisbee golf, you name it. Nothing was off limits. We were free to ride bikes, run around the resort and just hang. I know we wore our grandparents out, I have no doubt but they never acted like it. It was our favorite place to go.

On one of our first few trips to the lake, my sister made a friend from somewhere else in Oklahoma. They became such good friends, trips were only scheduled when they could both go. After Papa J passed away, our grandmother continued the tradition, not in the Winnebago, we’d rent a cabin but the memories were still the same. I finally got busy in high school with sports or whatever but my sister and my grandmother would still go. Her and her friend would still meet and as they got older they stayed in touch. She was so good at that. I used to think I was my grandmother’s favorite, but her and Lauren shared something so deep it was undeniable. Those trips bonded them. My sister and my grandmother were kindred spirits, that had so much in common. They shared the best laughs and both had wicked senses of humor. And they both had that glimmer in their eye that you knew trouble could be just around the corner. Though it wasn’t easy, as the years have gone by, it makes more and more sense that they both went on their way the same year. 

I wasn’t around much after High School, I started school in California, flamed out, came home and moved to Dallas shortly after. We didn’t have cell phones but I’d call home often, and Lauren and I would have the best conversations.  We didn’t see each other much those few years, so for her birthday I decided to change that. It was the mid 90’s and I was in Dallas. Garth Brooks has just launched his world tour and if you were a kid from where we grew up, Garth was a legend. I got us tickets and flew her down to Dallas. She was only 14 or 15 at the time and she came to stay with me for the weekend. We had the absolute best weekend. I showed her around Dallas, we ate at this cool Italian restaurant and the show was off the charts. I felt so proud to be able to do that for her, but what I really felt is lucky that she said yes, and wanted to come hang and take a weekend away from her friends. Every time I hear a song from that Garth album, I’m right back in that arena in Dallas with her. They made a special about that concert and it comes on from time to time and the memories come rushing back. 

That weekend really was a bonding experience that we rarely had growing up because of our age gap. But that time I took off school allowed us to live together for a year in college. I was a senior and she was a freshman and my Mom had bought a condo in Norman. I thought she just wanted to live with her big brother but she really just wanted to escape the dorms. Whatever the reason, we had the best year. We did a ton together that year. It was my favorite time with her and a time where we finally got to know each other. I don’t remember a lot of specifics from that year, I know it was special for both of us, we’d talk about it often, how it was the year that truly changed our relationship and I’m so grateful for it. 

One thing I do remember from that year was our Sooners catching lightening in a bottle and winning a national championship. I was lucky enough to see a great run as a kid but she didn’t. The majority of her childhood they struggled. The 90’s were a tough run for the Sooners but we still went to games and rooted them on. But that year, her Freshman year, they went on a tear, going 13-0. We had so much fun that fall and for New Year’s in 2000 we went to Miami to watch the big game. New Years in Miami with my Mom and Sister is one of my all time favorite memories!

Enough of my stories, Lauren had the most amazing friends, many she met in grade school and stayed friends with her whole life. She met her best fiend in first grade and they never had another class together but stayed best friends for life. She met a couple others in the neighborhood where we grew up. There were so many kids around growing up, but once she found her tribe, they were hers and she was theirs. There were times I felt like I had 8 sisters. 

I wanted some input from those ladies, many I haven’t seen in a long time. They all sent me something, notes, a few stories here and there but what’s amazing is most didn’t have specific details. What they all said was, she just had a way she made you feel when she was around. Like pulling around the corner in high school to see her car parked in the culdesac or walking through the hallway at work and sharing a glimpse of a mural together. She had a gift of making people feel at ease. And she’d do anything for them, including sneaking out late at night to go get the ingredients for queso because the house they were having a sleepover at was out of cheese and chips. Or vacuuming her house when her friends would come over because they didn’t like big dogs (side note, one confessed they now have a lab puppy, so karma). Or when her friends found out they were pregnant and nervous, she’d calm them about what it would be like being a new mom. There were so many stories of her turquoise sunfire she drove though high school and how’d they cruise to Sonic or Braum’s. One thing they all agreed on (including me) was her love of Braum’s. She never went long without having her Oreo mix.

Another common theme was her laugh and smile. She had the best laugh. It was from a place so deep that you knew was genuine and real. There was nothing fake about it and it would free others up to laugh too. Lauren had a 1000 watt smile and it was as contagious as her laugh. If she was smiling, I’d dare you not to, she had a way of making all those around her smile and laugh. So many of the memories from her friends were stories of them just talking for hours or laughing at something none of them can remember. Falling into each other in restaurant booths from laughing so hard. She was never a big texter. Trust me, I’ve looked back so many times at our messages and there just weren’t many, because she like to talk. She’d spend hours on the phone with her friends or at dinners just losing track of time. 

To a woman, all of her friends talked about how intentional she was in their friendship. They all felt seen by her and knew exactly where they stood with her. She’d never miss a chance to tell them how she felt and often signed a card or letter to them with 143 which means I love you or 831, which is 8 letters, 3 words and 1 meaning. She loved hard and big and her people knew it. 

I’m so grateful for the stories they sent and messages I received. Her memory will live on through these dinners and trips to get ice cream. All of her friends have some version of sharing memories of her with their kids. To get to see her from this perspective, to hear how she made people feel, didn’t surprise me at all, she did that for me for years.

Lauren knew right away Russell was the man of her dreams. They met in High School, dated all through college and got married after she finished school. She did whatever she had to do to make it work. She’d drive back and forth from college just to spend time with him. And he was so good for her. He made her an even better human. He’s tough and reserved but she had a way of breaking him down. And he had a way of making her feel so safe. I still remember the call from Jamaica when they got engaged and walking her down the aisle at their wedding. They truly had what we all want in a partnership. 

But my favorite role Lauren had was as a Mother. She was just born to be a Mom. Like everything else she made it look way to easy. Before she was a mom, she was an aunt. I still remember that first time her and Russell came to Austin to visit. She was so excited, she held Emma the entire time. There were so many calls about the late nights or early mornings or whatever was going on with being a new Dad, she’d just laugh at me and give me some advice and magically everything was better. Her oldest and my youngest were born just a couple months apart. It was another part of life we got to share. They act more like a brother and sister and there is so much of Lauren in her oldest. The distance made it hard to see each other a lot, but we’d try to get to OKC to hang as much as we could. When we couldn’t, we’d spend hours on FaceTime. She’d never let too much time go without making sure she got to see her niece and nephew. I just remember the conversations we’d have about how fun it would be to watch them all grow up together, maybe take them to Fin & Feather one day and just know that, no matter what, they were going to have it better than we did. 

My sister was a lot of things to a lot of people. She was Doctor who helped our Veteran’s because she thought they were underserved. She wanted to give them the help they needed and was passionate about it. She was a daughter who didn’t give her mom near as much trouble as I did. She was a wife and a mom to the best husband and girls anyone could ask for. She was a best friend to those special 8. She touched a lot of lives in the short 33 years she was here and she is missed every single day. 

They say life is lived in the dash between the day we’re born and the day we die. She lived a full dash and made an impact on so many. If I’ve learned anything it’s that time is a gift, it’s not guaranteed. So send the text, make the call, say the thing to the people you care most about because we just never know. And hug those you love a little bigger and a little longer today because you can. 

Those of us that knew and loved her will celebrate Lauren today! Some will gather at her favorite restaurant and then go have a Braum’s mix. My nieces and brother in law will write letters and send birthday balloons to heaven. My kids and I will go get ice cream and I’ll tell them stories about when Lauren and I were kids and we will laugh as hard as we can…and I’ll try not to cry.

So, if you’ve made it this far and you feel like joining in the celebration, go get some ice cream, If you’re close enough, get a Braum’s mix, share some belly laughs and know that she’d be laughing right along with you!

Happy Birthday LALA! I love you - 143 / 831

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